Meeting old friends for the first time: Making "real" friends on Facebook

I have always been skeptical of the ubiquity of Social Media (especially Facebook) and its tendency to supplant the need for real, human interaction. This weekend radically and irreversibly shifted my view of how Social Media can impact our real, physical lives.

Over the last several months, Birdy has encouraged me to reach out to friends from the past with whom I had lost contact. I have found great comfort in reconnecting with friends I have not seen or heard from in as many as twenty years. In finding and rekindling these old friendships, I have filled in many gaps in my memory and rediscovered lost parts of who I was, who I am. Since beginning this process, I have had the distinct pleasure of introducing Birdy to four of the people from my teenage years that played a major role in forming the man I have become.    

This weekend, Birdy and I flew down to California and, among other activities, had occasion to meet my new/old friend Pete. He had popped up on Facebook a few months ago because we had fifteen or so friends in common. His name and his face were somewhat familiar, but I couldn’t place him. What the heck, I sent him a friend request. Within a few minutes he accepted and sent me a message:

This went back and forth for about half an hour and we still could not piece it together. We did, however, begin to make a connection. As we shared the details of where life had taken us in the two decades since the time we didn’t remember going to high school (Leigh High School in San Jose, CA) together, the seeds of a new friendship began taking root. We cheered for each other's successes and shared the lament from our tales of woe.

Herein lies what had been my chief complaint with Social Media: I am not actually “friends” with the vast majority of people who are my friends on Facebook. Many were friends in high school and we got along just fine, but we are all grown up and our lives have gone in a million different directions. We've lost touch and we now share a pseudo-friendship through each others' social media highlight reel. 

This was the first time in which I had added a friend on Facebook from high school with whom I exchanged direct messages and had a “real” conversation...and he was not even my friend to begin with. And yet, since beginning this correspondence, I have found someone with whom I share a great many interests AND get along with AND find interesting. 

As it happened, Birdy and I were travelling to California this weekend and had the privilege to meet again, for the first time, my friend Pete. Seeing him in person did nothing to refresh my memory to recall any event, circumstance, class, dance, assembly or party that we attended together. He and I went to the same middle school and high school during the same years and were friends with dozens of people in common and neither of us could remember the other. But from the minute we sat down for a drink, it felt like we had been friends the whole time.  

From Left to Right: Pete, Birdy and Myko at Lefty O'doul's in SF

So, the fact that Facebook was responsible for bringing together, again, two people who were otherwise perfect strangers has made me re-estimate the power and the value of Social Media. I should mention that Birdy and I met on Tinder...lol 

Work Wise - Adventures in Ambidexterity

Last week, I told you about my experiment with a Stand-up workstation. I've found that standing up while working has really changed my perspective. If nothing else, at least I'm not falling asleep at my desk...

Along these same lines, I'm always looking for ways to break up the monotony of the work day in corporate America. One of the ways I do this is by regularly switching the hands that control my mouse and dial the phone. I use my mouse for several hours each day and I dial between 125 and 200 calls daily.

I am naturally right hand dominant and it feels most comfortable using my right hand to dial a phone and guide the mouse at my computer. However, I have found that I can be much more efficient by using one hand to control the mouse and the other to dial the telephone. An interesting way for me to continually liven things up (and keep myself on my toes) is to periodically swap my phone and my mouse to opposite sides of my desk. On January 2nd of this year, I moved my phone to the left side and the mouse to the right. Friday of last week, I reversed them. I love doing this as it forces me to be present in the moment and concentrate on what I am doing.

I began doing this a few years ago after reading an article suggesting that you may potentially improve brain function by using your non-dominant hand to perform common, every day tasks. Several studies claim that new neural pathways are created when a "righty" goes "southpaw" a few studies argued that this change to your routine unlocks the creative potential of the right side of your brain.

I've always looked for ways to be artistic in everything I do (especially the banal, robotic routines of daily life). The notion that you could stimulate creativity or tap into your artistic right-brain more easily by simply using your left hand to move your mouse or dial the phone was incredibly appealing to me. 

My takeaway from this experiment is that it resembles the placebo effect: I find myself being more creative and artistic in my approach because I have the expectation that I am activating another part of my brain this way. If I am more creative or more artistic as the result of dialing the phone with my left hand, then it is irrelevant if science can prove that there is a correlation. 

Click here for a great article that goes into greater depth and explores some of the science and research that's been done on the topic.

What has been your experience? I'd love to hear from somebody who has tried this experiment. Or, maybe you're inspired to try it… Let us know how it goes.

Stand-Up Desk Experiment: 90 Day Report

A year and a half after returning to corporate America and working in a cubicle, I was stir-crazy and ready for a change. I knew that sitting for 8+ hours at my desk, sitting in traffic for another 2 to 4 hours and then going home to sit on the couch for another 3 to 5 hours before going to bed was a recipe for all kinds of health problems. Sure,

I went to the gym 5 days a week and would run or hike on the weekends, but I knew that this would not be enough to mitigate the long term effects of this sedentary lifestyle. 

I had occasion to discuss my concerns about all of that sitting while meeting with an orthopaedic surgeon relating to a shoulder injury I had sustained in October. He raved about the benefits of a "Stand-Up" desk (more precisely, he talked a lot about the negative health consequences from so much sitting at a traditional desk). The benefits of a stand-up/sit-down work station went well beyond just augmenting my physical therapy to rehab my shoulder. He wrote a note to my employer stating that I needed a stand-up/sit-down work station as part of my on-going physical therapy.

The bad news: Insurance doesn't cover the cost of a stand-up desk (prices range from $350 to $5000) and my employer was only willing to re-imburse me $150 of the cost. I was not prepared to drop a couple grand on a new desk without doing some homework.

I decided to start with an Ikea hack (I love re-purposing Ikea swag). I took some measurements and found that I needed something to raise my workstation 18 inches or so in order to achieve the proper ergonomics. I purchased a display cabinet (now discontinued) that was 42" wide by 17" deep by 17" - 19" tall (adjustable legs). [It's important to note that, while the model I purchased is no longer available, there are tons of similar items that come and go from their catalog.] The TV display case fit perfectly atop my existing cubicle workstation.

This closely resembles the item I purchased on clearance for $35.00

I knew that I was not going to be able to stand all day (and, in fact, it is not recommended that you stand 8+ hours each day as this also present certain health concerns). I brought in a tall shop stool I had in my workshop for those times that I would want to take the load off my feet. 

The first few days were rough: I could go about 30 minutes standing before fatigue set in and I needed to sit down. By Thursday of that first week, I was able to go up to an hour and still focus on my work without thinking about my feet or my back. The discomfort of sitting on the shop chair lent itself to my standing for longer periods (ugh, not as comfy in my office as it is in my workshop). 90 days in and I can easily go full 2 hour periods without complaint.

I am not a doctor so I won't talk about how studies suggest that standing reduces the risk of cardiovascular disease, Type 2 diabetes or other metabolic problems. Also, It is not likely that I would ever become obese, so there's no sense in saying that I benefited in this regard. Click here for an article that offers more discussion on these topics. 

I can say, however, that I have cured one major issue that many folks that work shitty desk jobs suffer from: falling asleep at my desk. I find that I am much more present in my work and engaged with my co-workers.   

In the last few weeks, I have begun adding a few wrinkles into my routine by standing on my tippy-toes for 60 seconds at a time or doing squats while I am waiting on hold for a customer. I will also stand with one foot on top of a box for a few minutes or just lift my leg into the tree pose. 

All in all, I am pleased that I followed my doctor's recommendation. I am ready to move forward with investing in a more long term solution. The two options are (1. A desk that raises and lowers or, (2. A stand-up height desk with a drafting chair that raises to the height of the work station. 

I will be going out and testing some of the products that are on the market in the next few weeks and report back my findings. 

I'd love to hear from anyone who has tried or is in the process of converting to a stand-up/sit-down workstation. Leave a comment with your story or any suggestions.

-MyKO

Head's Up: Getting back up after life knocks you down, Part 3

These last several months have afforded me an opportunity to rediscover some of the key elements that make me who I am. Having been in the throes of a divorce after 11 years of marriage and several career changes in quick succession, I found myself rather isolated and forced to examine who I had become.

I knew for sure that where I was did not match what I was capable of. At some point it occurred to me that my worth as a person was not the sum total of all of the bad decisions I had made in life. I also reckoned that my happiness was never again going to be gauged by how much money I made or how many things I could acquire.  

The first step forward was to let go of the disappointment I felt. I had built up so much out of nothing and then lost it all and found myself massively indebted to Uncle Sam. Bankruptcy wasn’t gonna make this type of debt go away. I had to accept that this was a reality and no amount of alcohol, fist fights or skirt chasing was going to make it go away (someday I’ll talk a bit about how traumatic head injuries can cause a person to become violent and uninhibited).

I also had to come to terms with having lost the ability to do work that I had come to love. My job was so many things: marketing, engineering, travelling across the country, working on top of the tallest buildings in big cities and working with my hands. It was challenging, exciting work that called upon all of my skill sets. 

After having lost my company, I was reduced to going to work for a company that was once a competitor of mine (and I used to kick their ass!).  After less than 2 years, I was fired from that job (the first time in my life I had ever been fired).

After losing that job, I went to work as a humble laborer for a construction company digging ditches (literally). Perhaps I sought out that position subconsciously as a form of penance for having fucked up everything else so badly. And why not: I was a drunk misanthrope prone to fits of uncontrolled rage who had exactly zero fuck’s left to give this world.

But the universe had other plans for me. I was quickly promoted twice in a matter of a few months and I began to regain some of my old swagger. I realized that construction superintendent was not going to fulfill me and I went back to an old stand-by…bill collecting (my first real job at 17 years old was at a collection agency). I called a local agency on a Tuesday and I was working by the next Monday.

All of these incremental successes served to bolster my confidence and restore my faith in me. What’s funny is that I had not noticed how effortlessly I have gotten back up and achieved promotion after promotion until I was forced to take stock of my life. It was clear to me that, no matter what I choose to do in my life, I can achieve success if I put my whole heart and intention behind it. My past woes had no bearing on my current circumstance if I decided that it shouldn’t. My boss at the collection agency didn’t give a shit about the scar on my face or the years I spent spiraling out of control. If I showed up to work, on time, with a good attitude, ready and willing to do the work he assigned, my past made no difference to him.

And this has been my mantra of late: I am neither the sum total of all of the bad decisions I have made nor the sum total of all of the successes I have achieved. I cannot, nor should I, ignore all that I have gone through in life. There have been many up’s and down’s as there will be more to come. I have to take what I have learned (good and bad) and apply that to the situation as it stands at this moment. I can only affect change in what is ahead; the past need only be used for reference purposes as it relates to how I view my mistakes/missteps.

I eagerly await the dawn of each new day as it beckons new and exciting opportunities. There’s no telling what may come, but come what  may, I am ready to meet it and follow the path where it leads.

-MyKO 

Head's up; Getting back up after life knocks you down, Part 2

I am excited and terrified by this process of telling my story. On the one hand, there is therapeutic value in finally getting this off my chest. On the other hand, I expose many of my weaknesses/insecurities/shortcomings for the world to see. It’s kinda like pulling down my own pants in front of everyone on the playground before the bully can do it.

There is a tremendous relief in this approach as it allows me to take back all of the power I had yielded to this bully; the shame/fear/disappointment I have felt since the accident has functioned like a bully that threatened to expose me to the world for the failure I had become if I didn’t keep my head down and my mouth shut. I was constantly bullied by the thought that I would never be able to recover from this. By coming out and telling my story (in my words), I am now in control of the narrative. That means I can tell the story as it happened and write the ending I choose.

For this endeavor to be successful, I have to be honest and own up to my part in this story. I must resist the temptation to view history through a soft lens or overly dramatize. But, let’s face it…I have to confess to fits of exaggeration when retelling stories. My intention is to tell my story in such a way that it is lighthearted yet faithful to the truth.  

Telling this story is painful as it awakens sleeping demons that once taunted and tortured me. However, it is necessary to recount these events as it forces me to reconcile what I actually remember against foggy memories, stories that people tell and the scribbled ravings in my journals from those time periods.

I would not be writing this story were it not for an accident that resulted from my carelessness while building a workshop in my back yard several years ago. In classic MyKO fashion, I decided that I didn’t need any help setting the main 4x8 beam that would span the 18 feet of the building…in the driving rain.

I stood the beam up and turned for a split second to pick up my hammer and BWONGGG! The damned thing whacked me right between the eyes and knocked me out. My recollection of what happened after that moment and over the next few years is fragmented.

One of the most troubling aspects of my recovery has been accounting for gaps in my memory. To give you an idea of what this feels like:

Birdy and I decided that we were gonna watch the entire series of Madmen (for anyone who has not seen this show, I strongly recommend you check it out. I was hooked from the first episode. We are now on season 4 and I just can’t get enough).

A few months ago, AMC (the network that was smart enough to pick up this show) decided to replay every single episode from every season back-to-back in advance of the final episode. Birdy had the tremendous foresight to record all of them on the DVR (thank you for the extra storage capacity, DIRECTV!).

Regrettably, there are a few scattered episodes here and there that didn’t get recorded or only got partially recorded.

Because you have been keeping up with the story, you can sorta piece together the missing details when you skip from Season 2, Episode 4 to halfway through Episode 6.

Now, imagine that you wake up October 14 and you can’t clearly remember anything that happened since September 2. There are many such gaps in my memory. Many, if not all, of these gaps were likely the result of severe alcohol poisoning and sleep deprivation which exacerbated my condition.

These last several months have afforded me clarity and I have begun rebuilding my life. I have come to accept that I cannot change the past, real or imagined. I only have control over this moment and what comes after. That has been my focus and..so far, so good.

Stick around…the best parts of the story are yet to come.

-MyKO

Head's Up: Getting back up after life knocks you down

So much of the last several years of my life have been lived in a fog of shame resulting from a traumatic accident and the bad decisions that led to the collapse of my business, a failed marriage and the loss of 12 years of work and relationships. This post I am writing today is my first public acknowledgement of what happened and a first "real" step towards healing the wounds and beginning a new chapter of my life.  

I am writing this blog as a way for me to expel all of the negative, self-deprecating thoughts and overcome the fear that has held me from reclaiming my life so that I may live with my head held high again. If this helps people that I have hurt to understand better some of the decisions I made and why I behaved as I did, then that's great. If you are one of those people who feels slighted and you read this and you are still pissed afterwards...Fuck You!

Maybe this will reach folks who have suffered an accident that changed their life and are struggling to come to terms with their new "normal". Perhaps, a family member that is trying to support/comfort/cope with someone in such a condition will find these posts helpful. Heck, even folks dealing with the garden variety set back in their life or find they are stuck in a rut may get some benefit from this. And if neither you nor a family member have been in an accident, your life is tits and you're sailing along just fine, I'd bet you'll still get a laugh when you hear some of my stories!

Welcome to our journey. It may be a bumpy ride, but it is an Inspired Adventure.

The day after I got whacked in the head with an 18' beam

-MyKO

Ongoing happiness

We are attempting to spend every day focusing on the things in life that bring joy, laughter and happiness. Today is a day to be happy; to have a smile plastered across your face. Yes, let's do that.

June 30-Day Challenge: Part I: Replace Water Damaged Floor

Fresh off of finishing the first 30-Day Challenge in May installing the new deck, this happens:

It's never a good thing to wake up, walk downstairs and when you reach the bottom step hear "Squuiiiiish" beneath your feet. 6am on Monday morning. It instantly changed our plans for our June 30-Day Challenge. And June was already going to be a tough challenge because we have a lot of things going on this month and won't be available to work on the house for at least three weekends. 

So we began ripping up the floor, calling the insurance company, researching a new hot water heater, making materials lists and developing a plan. After a small breakdown on Birdy's part, and some much needed cajoling to look on the brightside from Myko, turns out this isn't going to be SO bad.

There is damage to the living room floor, the dining room floor and the floor in the pantry.

We purchased and installed the water heater the same day the burst happened since we couldn't go too long without water. The new water heater is awesome, by the way. It's amazing that we can take multiple showers in one time period now, or that we don't have to choose between shaving our legs and washing our hair! We couldn't start on the flooring for another week or so because we had already made plans to take a short vacation to San Jose. So, we set up the blowers and let everything dry out.

The next weekend was set for the floor. We kind of thought that it would take both Saturday and Sunday to install the floor. First we had to get the few other things that we had left in that room out so that we had a clear workspace. Myko got the freezer out to the garage without too much problem. We started laying the floor in the dining room.

First we had to install the underlay foam padding.

This went down pretty easy. We used packing tape to secure all of the seams based on some advice from a number of different websites. The we started installing the actual flooring.

Even only 2 rows in it was exciting to see. The flooring really fits the personality of this house, a house that is farm style on some acreage in the woods near the river.

After we completed the dining room we needed to move the piano so that we could complete the floor. This task was NOT easy and ended up taking more time than we had hoped.

Luckily we hadn't thrown away the old pergo yet. It made this job possible. We used it as runners so as not to damage the new floor. Now the piano sits on the back porch outside the dining room awaiting pick up from its rightful owner.

Before we finished covering the subfloor with the foam we wrote a little note in case we, or the next owner's of this house, ever pull up the floor again. Just a little way to add our own embellishment and everlasting touch to this house.

Time to complete the underlayment. While Myko completed the special cuts around the door frame between the two rooms, Birdy finished taping and securing the foam. (Birdy swears she's going to do hair and make-up next time.)

It looked as though we just might finish this whole floor in one day! We work pretty well as a team. It is helpful to have the pieces ready to go and already laid out in the right direction. We got very good, very fast at the process of picking pieces, deciding on lengths, cutting and installing.

 All that was left was some special fitting around the pop out in the front of the room and the space in front of the stairs.

The last couple of pieces to be installed......

And the floor is in! It looks absolutely gorgeous and really does go well with the house. It was really easy to install and looks like it will stand up to a pretty good beating.

There is still a whole lot of work to be done (and not a lot of time to do it in). Fortunately, although it was a full day of draining work, we were able to get the entire installation done on Saturday leaving us Sunday to start on another part of the process.

Off to IKEA in the morning!

Life is for the living

I take great comfort in knowing that I am here because I chose to be.

For as long as breath fills my lungs...
For as long as I have legs that can carry me...
For as long as I have a mind and a hand with which to write or a mouth from which to speak...

I have sole discretion over what I do, the manner in which I do it and the company I choose to keep while doing it.

I own all of my successes and failures...
I own all of my talents and flaws...
I own all of the outcomes of the decisions I have made...

Yet, I am not the sum total of all of them; they are a part of who I am, they are a part of what brought me to this point. But they are not the full measure of who I am or who I may still yet become.

And there is great anticipation as I contemplate the innumerable possibilities that lie before me.

Take my handy, Birdy...let's go for a ride!

-MyKO

The Journey Begins