Meeting old friends for the first time: Making "real" friends on Facebook

I have always been skeptical of the ubiquity of Social Media (especially Facebook) and its tendency to supplant the need for real, human interaction. This weekend radically and irreversibly shifted my view of how Social Media can impact our real, physical lives.

Over the last several months, Birdy has encouraged me to reach out to friends from the past with whom I had lost contact. I have found great comfort in reconnecting with friends I have not seen or heard from in as many as twenty years. In finding and rekindling these old friendships, I have filled in many gaps in my memory and rediscovered lost parts of who I was, who I am. Since beginning this process, I have had the distinct pleasure of introducing Birdy to four of the people from my teenage years that played a major role in forming the man I have become.    

This weekend, Birdy and I flew down to California and, among other activities, had occasion to meet my new/old friend Pete. He had popped up on Facebook a few months ago because we had fifteen or so friends in common. His name and his face were somewhat familiar, but I couldn’t place him. What the heck, I sent him a friend request. Within a few minutes he accepted and sent me a message:

This went back and forth for about half an hour and we still could not piece it together. We did, however, begin to make a connection. As we shared the details of where life had taken us in the two decades since the time we didn’t remember going to high school (Leigh High School in San Jose, CA) together, the seeds of a new friendship began taking root. We cheered for each other's successes and shared the lament from our tales of woe.

Herein lies what had been my chief complaint with Social Media: I am not actually “friends” with the vast majority of people who are my friends on Facebook. Many were friends in high school and we got along just fine, but we are all grown up and our lives have gone in a million different directions. We've lost touch and we now share a pseudo-friendship through each others' social media highlight reel. 

This was the first time in which I had added a friend on Facebook from high school with whom I exchanged direct messages and had a “real” conversation...and he was not even my friend to begin with. And yet, since beginning this correspondence, I have found someone with whom I share a great many interests AND get along with AND find interesting. 

As it happened, Birdy and I were travelling to California this weekend and had the privilege to meet again, for the first time, my friend Pete. Seeing him in person did nothing to refresh my memory to recall any event, circumstance, class, dance, assembly or party that we attended together. He and I went to the same middle school and high school during the same years and were friends with dozens of people in common and neither of us could remember the other. But from the minute we sat down for a drink, it felt like we had been friends the whole time.  

From Left to Right: Pete, Birdy and Myko at Lefty O'doul's in SF

So, the fact that Facebook was responsible for bringing together, again, two people who were otherwise perfect strangers has made me re-estimate the power and the value of Social Media. I should mention that Birdy and I met on Tinder...lol 

Stand-Up Desk Experiment: 90 Day Report

A year and a half after returning to corporate America and working in a cubicle, I was stir-crazy and ready for a change. I knew that sitting for 8+ hours at my desk, sitting in traffic for another 2 to 4 hours and then going home to sit on the couch for another 3 to 5 hours before going to bed was a recipe for all kinds of health problems. Sure,

I went to the gym 5 days a week and would run or hike on the weekends, but I knew that this would not be enough to mitigate the long term effects of this sedentary lifestyle. 

I had occasion to discuss my concerns about all of that sitting while meeting with an orthopaedic surgeon relating to a shoulder injury I had sustained in October. He raved about the benefits of a "Stand-Up" desk (more precisely, he talked a lot about the negative health consequences from so much sitting at a traditional desk). The benefits of a stand-up/sit-down work station went well beyond just augmenting my physical therapy to rehab my shoulder. He wrote a note to my employer stating that I needed a stand-up/sit-down work station as part of my on-going physical therapy.

The bad news: Insurance doesn't cover the cost of a stand-up desk (prices range from $350 to $5000) and my employer was only willing to re-imburse me $150 of the cost. I was not prepared to drop a couple grand on a new desk without doing some homework.

I decided to start with an Ikea hack (I love re-purposing Ikea swag). I took some measurements and found that I needed something to raise my workstation 18 inches or so in order to achieve the proper ergonomics. I purchased a display cabinet (now discontinued) that was 42" wide by 17" deep by 17" - 19" tall (adjustable legs). [It's important to note that, while the model I purchased is no longer available, there are tons of similar items that come and go from their catalog.] The TV display case fit perfectly atop my existing cubicle workstation.

This closely resembles the item I purchased on clearance for $35.00

I knew that I was not going to be able to stand all day (and, in fact, it is not recommended that you stand 8+ hours each day as this also present certain health concerns). I brought in a tall shop stool I had in my workshop for those times that I would want to take the load off my feet. 

The first few days were rough: I could go about 30 minutes standing before fatigue set in and I needed to sit down. By Thursday of that first week, I was able to go up to an hour and still focus on my work without thinking about my feet or my back. The discomfort of sitting on the shop chair lent itself to my standing for longer periods (ugh, not as comfy in my office as it is in my workshop). 90 days in and I can easily go full 2 hour periods without complaint.

I am not a doctor so I won't talk about how studies suggest that standing reduces the risk of cardiovascular disease, Type 2 diabetes or other metabolic problems. Also, It is not likely that I would ever become obese, so there's no sense in saying that I benefited in this regard. Click here for an article that offers more discussion on these topics. 

I can say, however, that I have cured one major issue that many folks that work shitty desk jobs suffer from: falling asleep at my desk. I find that I am much more present in my work and engaged with my co-workers.   

In the last few weeks, I have begun adding a few wrinkles into my routine by standing on my tippy-toes for 60 seconds at a time or doing squats while I am waiting on hold for a customer. I will also stand with one foot on top of a box for a few minutes or just lift my leg into the tree pose. 

All in all, I am pleased that I followed my doctor's recommendation. I am ready to move forward with investing in a more long term solution. The two options are (1. A desk that raises and lowers or, (2. A stand-up height desk with a drafting chair that raises to the height of the work station. 

I will be going out and testing some of the products that are on the market in the next few weeks and report back my findings. 

I'd love to hear from anyone who has tried or is in the process of converting to a stand-up/sit-down workstation. Leave a comment with your story or any suggestions.

-MyKO

Head's Up: Getting back up after life knocks you down, Part 3

These last several months have afforded me an opportunity to rediscover some of the key elements that make me who I am. Having been in the throes of a divorce after 11 years of marriage and several career changes in quick succession, I found myself rather isolated and forced to examine who I had become.

I knew for sure that where I was did not match what I was capable of. At some point it occurred to me that my worth as a person was not the sum total of all of the bad decisions I had made in life. I also reckoned that my happiness was never again going to be gauged by how much money I made or how many things I could acquire.  

The first step forward was to let go of the disappointment I felt. I had built up so much out of nothing and then lost it all and found myself massively indebted to Uncle Sam. Bankruptcy wasn’t gonna make this type of debt go away. I had to accept that this was a reality and no amount of alcohol, fist fights or skirt chasing was going to make it go away (someday I’ll talk a bit about how traumatic head injuries can cause a person to become violent and uninhibited).

I also had to come to terms with having lost the ability to do work that I had come to love. My job was so many things: marketing, engineering, travelling across the country, working on top of the tallest buildings in big cities and working with my hands. It was challenging, exciting work that called upon all of my skill sets. 

After having lost my company, I was reduced to going to work for a company that was once a competitor of mine (and I used to kick their ass!).  After less than 2 years, I was fired from that job (the first time in my life I had ever been fired).

After losing that job, I went to work as a humble laborer for a construction company digging ditches (literally). Perhaps I sought out that position subconsciously as a form of penance for having fucked up everything else so badly. And why not: I was a drunk misanthrope prone to fits of uncontrolled rage who had exactly zero fuck’s left to give this world.

But the universe had other plans for me. I was quickly promoted twice in a matter of a few months and I began to regain some of my old swagger. I realized that construction superintendent was not going to fulfill me and I went back to an old stand-by…bill collecting (my first real job at 17 years old was at a collection agency). I called a local agency on a Tuesday and I was working by the next Monday.

All of these incremental successes served to bolster my confidence and restore my faith in me. What’s funny is that I had not noticed how effortlessly I have gotten back up and achieved promotion after promotion until I was forced to take stock of my life. It was clear to me that, no matter what I choose to do in my life, I can achieve success if I put my whole heart and intention behind it. My past woes had no bearing on my current circumstance if I decided that it shouldn’t. My boss at the collection agency didn’t give a shit about the scar on my face or the years I spent spiraling out of control. If I showed up to work, on time, with a good attitude, ready and willing to do the work he assigned, my past made no difference to him.

And this has been my mantra of late: I am neither the sum total of all of the bad decisions I have made nor the sum total of all of the successes I have achieved. I cannot, nor should I, ignore all that I have gone through in life. There have been many up’s and down’s as there will be more to come. I have to take what I have learned (good and bad) and apply that to the situation as it stands at this moment. I can only affect change in what is ahead; the past need only be used for reference purposes as it relates to how I view my mistakes/missteps.

I eagerly await the dawn of each new day as it beckons new and exciting opportunities. There’s no telling what may come, but come what  may, I am ready to meet it and follow the path where it leads.

-MyKO 

Head's up; Getting back up after life knocks you down, Part 2

I am excited and terrified by this process of telling my story. On the one hand, there is therapeutic value in finally getting this off my chest. On the other hand, I expose many of my weaknesses/insecurities/shortcomings for the world to see. It’s kinda like pulling down my own pants in front of everyone on the playground before the bully can do it.

There is a tremendous relief in this approach as it allows me to take back all of the power I had yielded to this bully; the shame/fear/disappointment I have felt since the accident has functioned like a bully that threatened to expose me to the world for the failure I had become if I didn’t keep my head down and my mouth shut. I was constantly bullied by the thought that I would never be able to recover from this. By coming out and telling my story (in my words), I am now in control of the narrative. That means I can tell the story as it happened and write the ending I choose.

For this endeavor to be successful, I have to be honest and own up to my part in this story. I must resist the temptation to view history through a soft lens or overly dramatize. But, let’s face it…I have to confess to fits of exaggeration when retelling stories. My intention is to tell my story in such a way that it is lighthearted yet faithful to the truth.  

Telling this story is painful as it awakens sleeping demons that once taunted and tortured me. However, it is necessary to recount these events as it forces me to reconcile what I actually remember against foggy memories, stories that people tell and the scribbled ravings in my journals from those time periods.

I would not be writing this story were it not for an accident that resulted from my carelessness while building a workshop in my back yard several years ago. In classic MyKO fashion, I decided that I didn’t need any help setting the main 4x8 beam that would span the 18 feet of the building…in the driving rain.

I stood the beam up and turned for a split second to pick up my hammer and BWONGGG! The damned thing whacked me right between the eyes and knocked me out. My recollection of what happened after that moment and over the next few years is fragmented.

One of the most troubling aspects of my recovery has been accounting for gaps in my memory. To give you an idea of what this feels like:

Birdy and I decided that we were gonna watch the entire series of Madmen (for anyone who has not seen this show, I strongly recommend you check it out. I was hooked from the first episode. We are now on season 4 and I just can’t get enough).

A few months ago, AMC (the network that was smart enough to pick up this show) decided to replay every single episode from every season back-to-back in advance of the final episode. Birdy had the tremendous foresight to record all of them on the DVR (thank you for the extra storage capacity, DIRECTV!).

Regrettably, there are a few scattered episodes here and there that didn’t get recorded or only got partially recorded.

Because you have been keeping up with the story, you can sorta piece together the missing details when you skip from Season 2, Episode 4 to halfway through Episode 6.

Now, imagine that you wake up October 14 and you can’t clearly remember anything that happened since September 2. There are many such gaps in my memory. Many, if not all, of these gaps were likely the result of severe alcohol poisoning and sleep deprivation which exacerbated my condition.

These last several months have afforded me clarity and I have begun rebuilding my life. I have come to accept that I cannot change the past, real or imagined. I only have control over this moment and what comes after. That has been my focus and..so far, so good.

Stick around…the best parts of the story are yet to come.

-MyKO

July 30 Day Challenge (the rest of the month)

The idea of these 30 day challenges came from a media outlet who was challenging its listeners to commit to a 30 day challenge and post on social media along the way. Myko and I talked about it on our way home from the Tri-cities, crossing the pass actually, and decided since we are both goal oriented people we would take something on. In even just 2 months we have accomplished a LOT and there is certainly more to come. There is something motivating about setting a goal and not letting yourself down - because really, who are you letting down when you're talking about a project at your own house or a new weight loss plan, other than you? It does help tremendously for both of us to be on board. Accountability accounts for a lot of the time spent after work, when you're tired and the couch is calling your name. Having someone else to "answer to" helps move the project along.

Our last project was decided and started, and then ultimately changed by circumstance. While we are excited to get started on the pub shed, a flooded house is an emergency that cannot be ignored. In the end, despite missing our deadline, that half of the house looks fantastic. They are two rooms that do not get much use but perhaps their more inviting nature (clean from top to bottom with a few new features) will inspire us to spend more time over there.

As we were putting the final shelves on the bookcases we started discussing the next 30 day challenge. The question was do we start a new 30 full day challenge now? Or do an abbreviated challenge and start fresh in August. Since it's easier to track the deadline on a month-to-month basis we decided July's project should be short & sweet. Of course, it's us, so there's no easy challenge involved. We decided to take up 2 challenges for the remaining time this month:

1) Finish the damage the flood caused in the pantry.

2) Focus on our health and wellness

#1: For our house project we have some minor repairs to be completed in the pantry area where the hot water heater sits. The bottom section of the drywall was damaged in there. The repair itself should be pretty minimal. But since we are in there, and are trying to complete some unfinished projects, we are going to install flooring to match the kitchen in the rest of the pantry, add some paint to freshen things up, and reorganize all the stuff kept in there. Since the big freezer used to sit in that space (and ultimately hid the hot water heater failure) it will be finding a new home in the garage. So there will be some new space to be rearranged and utilized in alternative ways.

#2: While Myko is a fitness fanatic - enjoying time in the gym, moving around, doing push-ups - I'm just the opposite. While I enjoy getting out and being active, I tend to have a hard time motivating myself. And for some reason, old age I guess, I've noticed changes in my body where I used to be able to get myself into gear for a bit, eat a little bit better and like an instantaneous result, I would feel and look better. So I've asked Myko to spread his joy of working out and help me along the path to get in better shape. (Especially since we are going to Hawaii in November.) I've asked for some strong encouragement - which will probably lead to me abusing him to some extent with my whining and complaining - to help me keep on the path to feeling better about myself.

We will start by committing to 3 workouts per week and developing a meal plan. Meal plans I can do. I love having the week's meals planned and shopped for. I've found that for most of us it's figuring out what to eat that's the major hurdle in eating healthy and staying away from fast food. And honestly, I'm not much of a sweet fan; if chocolate didn't exist it would be no skin off my back (sacrilege I know) so cutting down or out on those shouldn't be too difficult.

I prefer fresh fruits and veggies. Ultimately if we lived near Pike Place Market I would never have groceries in the house. I'd just make something from whatever fresh stuff I could find at the market. I made this breakfast for us on Sunday morning. (Sorry, it was so good we had eaten half of it before I thought to take a photo.)

If you are interested in the recipe I will have it on it's own post. Breakfast was delicious, by the way. And took less than 15 minutes start to finish.

The workouts will be up to Myko. I will commit to doing whatever he suggests, no matter how much whining and irritation I will be exhibiting. (Look, I know myself too well). Last night at 9pm we went for a walk. I was not irritated about going on a walk, but rather the dogs going berserk and running off. I had packing and other things to do though and this delayed my accomplishing those tasks. I've never been very good at putting myself first. But I'm learning. I bought us jump ropes. It's a start, right?

I'm told there will be a weigh in. UGH. Maybe I can convince him that measurements are more my speed. I don't own a scale anyway. I understand measurable results but really I just want to get back into my old pants :)

Right now I'm on an airplane 10,000 miles in the sky. Drinking my water and eating the salad I packed for myself (did you know you can bring food with you through security?) and a fruit and cheese platter. You should know I packed my running shoes and workout gear. I know that even though I'm out of town the calories still count.

- Birdy

Head's Up: Getting back up after life knocks you down

So much of the last several years of my life have been lived in a fog of shame resulting from a traumatic accident and the bad decisions that led to the collapse of my business, a failed marriage and the loss of 12 years of work and relationships. This post I am writing today is my first public acknowledgement of what happened and a first "real" step towards healing the wounds and beginning a new chapter of my life.  

I am writing this blog as a way for me to expel all of the negative, self-deprecating thoughts and overcome the fear that has held me from reclaiming my life so that I may live with my head held high again. If this helps people that I have hurt to understand better some of the decisions I made and why I behaved as I did, then that's great. If you are one of those people who feels slighted and you read this and you are still pissed afterwards...Fuck You!

Maybe this will reach folks who have suffered an accident that changed their life and are struggling to come to terms with their new "normal". Perhaps, a family member that is trying to support/comfort/cope with someone in such a condition will find these posts helpful. Heck, even folks dealing with the garden variety set back in their life or find they are stuck in a rut may get some benefit from this. And if neither you nor a family member have been in an accident, your life is tits and you're sailing along just fine, I'd bet you'll still get a laugh when you hear some of my stories!

Welcome to our journey. It may be a bumpy ride, but it is an Inspired Adventure.

The day after I got whacked in the head with an 18' beam

-MyKO

Life is pretty dag-gone good

These last several months have been a breeze. I am reminded daily of how lucky I am to be alive and what good fortune has come to visit me. Every day I wake up I am thankful for another opportunity to contemplate the mystery that is this life and pursue any/everything that moves me.

I awaken every morning to the smiling face of a darling gal that loves me, pushes me, makes me laugh, keeps me guessing and inspires me to be the very best I can be. And, while I make every effort to be my very best, she accepts my shortcomings and allows me to be whomever I choose to be (warts, bullshit webbed-toes and all). 

In the universe of possibilities, I stand ready and eager to seize each moment. I revel in this inescapable feeling that this is what it feels like when your dreams are coming true. All that we set out to accomplish, we achieve. All that we set our minds to, we bring to life. 

Each moment feels like the beginning of a new adventure...an inspired adventure. This is a helluva ride and I am so glad you could tag along for each step in our journey.

-MyKO  

Life is for the living

I take great comfort in knowing that I am here because I chose to be.

For as long as breath fills my lungs...
For as long as I have legs that can carry me...
For as long as I have a mind and a hand with which to write or a mouth from which to speak...

I have sole discretion over what I do, the manner in which I do it and the company I choose to keep while doing it.

I own all of my successes and failures...
I own all of my talents and flaws...
I own all of the outcomes of the decisions I have made...

Yet, I am not the sum total of all of them; they are a part of who I am, they are a part of what brought me to this point. But they are not the full measure of who I am or who I may still yet become.

And there is great anticipation as I contemplate the innumerable possibilities that lie before me.

Take my handy, Birdy...let's go for a ride!

-MyKO

Returning Home from Home

This long weekend spent rediscovering the place I came from served to remind me that home is where you make it. While I have fond memories of this place, there are new roads to discover, new paths to follow and new friends to come along for the ride.

It is the people that made for the biggest impact this trip. The nearly 20 years and thousands of miles that have separated us have done nothing to steal the joy or quell the laughter we share. And an even greater joy was found: Birdy joined in on the fun as though she'd been there all along.

Here's to making sure we keep moving forward...and making sure we don't forget who our real friends are...and to making sure its not 20 years until we all get together again!

A toast to a new path

This blog is, for all intents and purposes, an online journal of a new path. One taken by two people who have lived more than a few separate lives; lives filled with happiness, joy, new experiences, as well as sorrow, and pain, and heartbreak.

Now, there's nothing to say that this new life won't be filled with many of the same things, but we are starting this one out with a clear objective - to have fun, explore and live life to its fullest. In everything that we do, we see, we hear, we eat, we work on, we are committed to living in that moment. No longer will it be acceptable to drone on in a monotonous, day-to-day, drill it out routine where you lose sight of the beauty and joy of the little things that come along throughout the day, EVERY day.  

It is easy to get caught looking at life through gray colored glasses. Especially after the life you thought you were after, the life you intended to live until you died, ends. But every now and then someone waltzes into the bar where you're slaving away on a letter for work, and changes your perspective - opens up a world of new possibilities. Not only in the sense of new experiences, but also by causing a 180 degree flip on the way you see the world. There are yellow lenses you have the option to look at things through, where the sun always shines and, when you take a moment to reflect, life is pretty damn good. 

That's the path we've decided to take. And so far, the ride has been exhilarating. So much so that we decided we should write it down and share it with the world. Here's a toast - to new adventures with a new perspective....